too often i stare at my reflection in the mirror and wonder.

no, i'm not trying to seek out the contours of my face and memorise it and think that i'm beautiful beyond belief, nor am i trying to valiently find the flaws and deflate into self depression and pity.

i'm not that naive.

the reflection in the mirror is merely a reflection of myself.

what has changed? and what hasn't? what has matured and what has degraded itself into childish insanity?

the solemnness on a face without a smile reflects that maturity.
the sudden fake wide smile reflects that childish insanity.

can anyone truly say that they've matured?

the reflection in the mirror... what it reflects is appearance. not what's inside. because all that's inside can be covered up by that fake smile. deception is a common theme, over friendliness is another.

and i wonder: what do i seem to be to you?

someone to cry your troubles to? someone who could help by listening? someone who's friendly and nice?
or
someone who's immature? someone who's loud and maybe a little callous?
or
someone who's unapproachable? someone whom you can't fathom what she's thinking?

well, we'll all walking the same road, trying to reach it's eventual end and our goals, i would say that i'm all the above and that i'm someone who's LEARNING.

to different people, i show different sides. yes, i can and am unapproachable. i can and will not tell you everything. to different people, i chose to tell them whatever i feel like, or whatever emotion is foremost in my mind. because that's my choice.

i sometimes give people condescending looks and sneer, not because i think i'm better than that person. but i do so because i see how sad it is, perhaps pity even is the main reason. and it saddens me to know that sometimes even i am blind to my own faults and weaknesses. unfortunately, that's life.

but yet i keep in mind, don't judge others before you judge yourself.